


Reason 2: Sam

by Ever_Clear3



Series: The Real Reason's [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-03-12 22:20:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13556751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ever_Clear3/pseuds/Ever_Clear3
Summary: Dean knows pretty much when it started, Cas's love for him. But he needs to know why it continues. For his own peace of mind he has to know. This angel, this celestial being, was a wonder to Dean. There had to be more than just his soul that drew him in.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sup my peeps, sorry for the ridiculous late posting and addition to this series. But shout out to -Wickedgamesf- for reminding me I did have this baby in the works. So in a way this one is for you. 
> 
> Once again comments are loved, as long as they are constructive.

_"Hey Cas?"_

_"Yes, Dean."  
_

_Dean knew it was an inappropriate time to ask this, but he was human and no real sense of timing really. There never really was when it came to having heart to hearts. There was really was no crisis this time, so Dean saw no problem asking Cas for a chick-flick-moment._

_"I know you said my soul drew you to me, like some huge flashlight or a juicy burger." he began._

_Cas chuckled catching the reference to his newfound fondness of meat._

_Dean placed the book Bobby had given him on the table. It wasn't anything new, he was reading mostly to brush up on banshee lore._

_"But Cas, I just gotta ask. What else man? I mean c'mon. It seems pretty superficial that my soul of all things drew you in."_

_Cas regarded the man with crystal blue eyes. Dean knew that Cas could look into his mind with ease, hell he was probably projecting his insecurities now. The sad need of affirmations that constantly pleagues him but he would never really voice. Dean puts this feeling down to being human and having John Winchester for a dad._

_"You're love Dean." he spoke._

_"Whah?" he asked in response, confusion clear on his face._

_Castiel chucked at his puzzling features._

_"You may not love all of Gods' creation as I have or even seen them, but you love with the abundance of my Father."_

 

Dean's eyes snapped open to a dimly lit room. He heard the faint humming of the rooms fridge and the buzz of the neon sign just out of the room. The sign had cast a red glow in the space from the sliver of an opening in the blinds. With the light he could see Sam's bed was empty. It didn't alarm him like it would have when he was younger and had to make sure Sam was kept safe. Besides he'd done it himself on multiple occasions, just leaving without a word. Put it down to hunters instinct or being paranoid, but something was in the room with him. He quietly slipped his hand under his pillow and kept his breathing purposefully heavy as he was taught. He took hold the solid worn grip of his gun. That was another thing John Winchester made use to infuse in him, being by words or a physical responce. He slept with a gun under his pillow since he could shoot at the age of seven, and now it was so ingrained in him from all those years that it was the only way he would ever find himself able to sleep. He turned the safety off and was glad he had the gun cocked and ready to fire. No longer feigning sleep, he sat up quickly and aimed the gun into the darkest corner of the room. Before he could fire the shadow spoke.

"We need to talk Dean." the masculine voice spoke.

"Dammit Cas!" Dean shouted immediately recognizing the voice. He quickly pulled his finger from the trigger. He knew the bullets wouldn't harm the man, but there was no point in wasting ammunition. He put the safety back on and placed the gun next to his blanket covered hip.

"We need to talk." he said again and stepped out into red light and sat at the chair by the bed Sam vacated. 

Dean turned and turn on the bedside lamp and bathed the room in the soft yellow light.

"I heard you man. What's up?" he asked sighing.

"I thought I told you to stop him Dean!" Castiel demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked back.

"I told you he was on a slippery slope if he kept this up. I showed you what he was becoming Dean."

Dean was speechless. He knew exactly who Cas was talking about. He hoped to God it wasn't true. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded swinging his legs out of the bed and putting his boots on. Even if Cas hadn't said who it was yet, this also became an engrained habit. He tucked the gun into the back of his pants and rose from the bed. 

"Samuel, Dean. I'm talking about Samuel."

 


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel didn't explain anything to him. He merely stepped into Dean's space and put his hand on his shoulder. Immediately he and Castiel were in the opening of an alley.

Dean turned to Castiel, "What are we..." he began.

"Watch." he demanded.

Dean turned back and looked down the alley. He could only see piles of garbage and a large dumpster that was near it. The smells where more hard to ignore, the rancid sour smell of milk wafted under his nose and he snorted in disgust. He turned his head to Castiel not seeing what he meant. 

"Castiel what's-" he didn't finish when Cas grabbed is head forcefully and aimed it back down the alley way, the angel lifted his arm and pointed. At first Dean could still see only the darkness, but then a shadow started to appear. He squinted and took a silent step forward. There was a low light just opposite the loan figure and it cast a dull yellow light onto the alley. 

The more Dean looked, the clearer the picture became. It wasn't just one person but two. The bigger person was obviously a man and seemed to be sucking pretty on the other person's neck. Dean was still missing the main point of what he was seeing, when the man suddenly pulled away and threw his head back in rapture. Dean felt his heart stop as the figure, no his own baby brother, revealed his face in the poorly lit light. He was panting hard blood coating his mouth and throat. 

Dean watched as Sam stepped away from the other person and just let them drop to the ground with no remorse. Without realizing it he had taken a step back bumping into Castiel. He didn't recognize his brother, not at all. Even though his eyes were still their natural green hue, all the warmth he normally associated with the man was missing. A smirk curled along Sam's lips as he kicked the body before him. Dean had never seen such a look on the mans face. 

Without conscious thought Dean gripped onto Castiel praying for the first time in years that what he was seeing before him wasn't real.

"I'm sorry Dean. But it is." Castiel suddenly spoke. 

"No..." he sad silently, his heart breaking before him. 

His brother...his Sammy...the one pure thing he had left in all the world was changing into something else and he had no idea what to do about it. 

"Dean." Castiel spoke again. "Be strong, there is still time for him to be saved Dean. Go to him." Castiel spoke and then he was gone. 

"Sam..." Dean spoke softly. He wasn't sure if he was actually trying to get the man attention or trying to comfort himself.

"Sam..." he rasped, and took a step into the ally way. Dean must have kicked something because then Sam's focus was no longer on the dead demon vessel he had just drained of blood but focused on him.

There was a tense moment of silence between them.

"Dean?" Sam asked, almost surprised to him. 

"...Sammy...what have you done?" he finally had the heart to ask.

Sam stared at him blankly, his head tilted in confusion.

"Sammy." Dean spoke to him softly as if he were a skittish animal. 

Sam blinked back owlishly, Dean could see, as he took a step closer that Sam. He slowly raised his hand, not wanting to startle him. 

"Sammy, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I needed something." he answered.

"Like what?" Dean asked 

"Hmmph, just that." he said casually pointing to the dead body. Light caught part of his hand and revealed some blood. Sam made a happy noise and put the digits in his mouth and sucked on them gleefully. 

Dean swallowed hard and had a brief flash back to his time in hell and when he began to enjoy torturing souls and the taste of blood. Dean closed his eyes briefly and gave a small shake of his head to dispel the images that assaulted him. When he was within a few feet of Sam, he forced himself to look down at the body. It was a slim woman he noticed, dressed in non-descripted clothes almost normal. Her hair obscured her face but it was thin just like the rest o her. Even from where he stood, he knew she was dead and he was already coming up plans to get rid of her. 

"Sam, I need you to come with me."

"Why?" he asked when he was done sucking the blood clean. Dean swallowed back bile.

"Because we can't be here if the cops come with this dead body." he said pointing at her.

Sam looked at Dean then to he woman and back at Dean.

"Oh. Is that all." he responded casually and without warning he flung his hand out towards the body and it burst into flames, disintegrating and leaving only a smattering of ash in its wake. 

"Shit!" Dean exclaimed drawing his gun on instinct and pointing it at the ground.

Sam released a childish giggle. "Chill out Dean. It's all good. I've done it before and the cops still haven't caught on." he said waving off Deans panic.

"Shit...what the fuck was that man?! What the HELL does that even mean" he exclaimed, true fear welling up inside of him for the first time since coming back from hell.

"I just got rid of the body Dean, duh." Sam said rolling his eyes.

Dean turned away briefly and tucked the gun back into the back of his pants. Running his hands roughly through his hair he grunted in frustration and worry filled him at what was becoming of Sam.

"Time to go Dean." he said suddenly. Sam swept a casual foot against the ground, kicking the ashes to blend with the rest of the garbage. Dean was suddenly hit with the realness that this, this causal gesture was something that Sam has done countless times. Satisfied that there was nothing left he moved to Dean, stepping past the man he clapped him on the back and gave a brief manic smile before walking off. A jolly whistle soon filled the empty air and Dean turned, eyes wide in shock at his brother. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

The silence wasn't so much as tense but just empty between them as they walked down the open streets. Sam hand pulled a bandana from his back pocket and cleaned most of the blood from his face and neck leaving a fine red ring on the collar of his shirt if anyone knew where to look. But to Dean it stood out like a beacon. Years of the being together and being covered in worst things than blood, this moment tops the all. 

"What's your deal Dean?" Sam asked suddenly and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. 

Dean stopped and faced him, his eyes immediately drawn to the blood. He sighed heavily and finally looked up to Sams eyes. 

"Sam, you can't keep doing this man." he said quietly.

"Why?" 

"Its not...Sam..." he sighed again and briefly turned away from him "...this isn't you." he finished.

"How would you Dean?! You've been gone for nearly a year and since you've been back you barely talk with me. I have to force you to talk to me!" he exploded causing Dean to look up in shock. 

Dean was a little surprised at the explosive response. "Being in hell isn't something you can just talk about over burger and beers Sammy. But you...you're drinking, no guzzling demon blood like some starved druggie!"

"You can't be this way!" he finished.

"Oh that's rich Dean. You of all people telling me how I have to live my life. " he scoffed. "Tell me Dean, how long did it take you to realize I was gone? Huh? Who told you?!" he screamed.

Dean remained silent.

"Yeah, some caring brother you are. Some one else had to tell you. Cause all you care about is yourself. You left me alone Dean and you promised me. YOU promised ME! " Sam screamed in the end without thought he reached out and grabbed at the air in front him. His eyes had slowly began bleed black and spider like vines of red and black swirling together creeped up from under his shirt going up his neck. 

Dean paused. A retort quick on his lips when he saw the markings. It was dumb of him, how quickly he forgotten Sam had just killed.

"You don't get to judge me." he finished and Dean felt the all to familiar sensations of being gripped by the throat from an unseen force. He gasped and grabbed at his own throat, his eyes still on Sam's.

"Sa-am" Dean choked out. Black spots started to appear before his eyes and he gasped, trying to take shallow breaths to get air in his lungs. There was a brief moment when the grip cut off the last of his air and he could only stare with wide eyes to Sam's black ones.

"Please...Sam" he managed with his last breath.

Sam's grip opened and Dean felt himself drop to the ground. He took deep gasping breath and began coughing, choking on the air. He laid on his side rubbing at his throat squeezing his eyes tight. He heard Sam walk to him, and Dean tried to to move away with an awkward side shuffle. Sam made a small keening noise before he dropped to his knees and pushed Dean onto his side. Dean forced his eyes opened and watched as the black bled back to green.

"'Mmm sorry Dean." Sam said quietly. He reached out and with timid fingers placed them to Dean's throat. 


	4. Chapter 4

Dean groaned softly, slowly rolling to his side he began to cough. His mind was still fuzzy with what he could only assume was sleep as he continued to cough and sat up in the bed. He rubbed at his throat and tried to stop the noise that only seem to become progressively worse and resulting in him dry heaving in the bed.

"You okay Dean?" someone asked from behind him.

Dean sucked in a sharp breath and reached for his gun but instead only felt empty space. The entire motion caused his cough to take a turn for the worse and resulted in him bending half over to pant into the blanket. His stomach became a quivering mess as it clenched sparatically, and left him choking on bile that dribbled from his mouth. There was movement behind him and the added pressure of someone joining him on the bed. Large hands hovered over his back before they were gently placed over his flannel and began to rub in small circles.

"Jesus Dean, breathe..." the voice spoke again and Dean knew it was only Sam behind him. Before he could stop the motion, his body jerked from the gentle hands of his brother just as he was rocked with another painful clench of his stomach. An additional hacking induced cough racked his body and he gripped the motel sheets tightly in hand. Sam hesitantly reached out again and placed his hand lightly on is brothers back. With a gallant effort Dean lunged himself upward and away from Sam's hands, forcing himself he took a deep breath of air and held it momentarily. The air was forced from his lungs, but he did the exercise a few more time and settled himself comfortably on the bed. 

"Wh-grrrm-what happened Sam?" he asked turning to face the other man as he brought up a hand, rubbing at his sore throat. 

Sam swallowed hard and turned his face from Dean, letting his hair obscure his face. 

"Herm...well..." he began, nervously running his hands over the worn dark blue jeans. 

Dean looked down watching his hands. He realized distantly that they weren't the same pair he wore last night.

"Hmm, Dean you did drink a lot." he started and forced laughter filled the otherwise silent room.

Dean jerked his head up and glared at him. 

"Don't do that. Don't use my drinking as an excuse." his normally gruff voice was deeper and more raspy. Sam twisted on the bed and reached for the water that sat on the stand between the two beds. He silently handed the glass to Dean and watched as he slowly sipped the water. Sam's face made minute twitches every time Dean winced when he swallowed. Once the glass was finished he handed it back and Sam took to rolling the item between his palms.

"I remembered what happened Sam." Dean started first, breaking the awkward silence. " Normally I would give you the space to deal with your shit on your own. But this...this is different." he sighed heavily and gingerly moved to the end of the bed. Sam moved and mirrored his brothers position.

"Sammy, I watched you kill a woman. She may have been a demon, but before I knew that it...i-" he rubbed his scalp hard "it was like watching a vampire feed. And that wasn't the worst part." Dean turned and looked directly at Sam.

"I watched you..." he swallowed against the hard lump that formed in his throat. "I-I saw how you treated her afterwards. You were... God, it wasn't your first time Sammy. It-"

He grabbed Sam by the head and forced him to meet his eyes.

"It wasn't your first time." Before could stop it, his eyes welled with tears and they spilled down his face. "And you couldn't even come to me, Sammy. I had to be told by a freakin' angel."

They sat in silence and watched each other.

"Sammy you're all I got left. I know I never told you about what happened in Hell. But this...watching you...is killing me more than anything I had to go through down there. And I can't lose you." 

Dean watched as tears spilled from Sam's eyes. "I can't lose you Sam. Not after everything. You 'n Bobby are all I got."

"I'm sorry Dean." Sam choked out, and roughly grabbed the man into a hug. "I'm so fuckin' sorry. But I don't know how to stop..." he gasped " I-I tried Dean, but it's so hard. You don't understand. At first it was good, I was helping people, but the more I drank...it was all I could think about. And I didn't care how I was getting it." 

Dean hugged him closer, squeezing him. It reminded him of when they were kids, and he held Sam like this before, comforting him and keeping him safe while Dad was out on hunts. Sam turned his head into Deans neck, and released gasping breaths, tightening his own arms around Dean, accepting his comfort. 

"You both are no longer safe here." the deep gravel voice cut through the heavy silence and tears. 

They couldn't even be bothered to be surprised the appearance of Castiel. Adjusting his position, Dean attempted to hide Sam from the angels furious gaze as he turned his head to look at the celestial being. He was silently infuriated and grateful to the man for opening his eyes to Sam's addiction and for interrupting them currently. 

"What are you talking about?' Dean asked.

"The other angels found out about Sam's dalliances and are coming for him."

"Why?"

"Because they don't want you to help him. Not all the angels are against the apocalypse. And what better way for Sam to agree to being Lucifer's vessel if all he ever thinks about is demon blood."

Sam lifted his head and stared at Castiel in fright, almost as if it never occurred to him that that could have been an outcome. 

"No! I-I would never say yes to that!" Sam shouted pulling from away from Dean. This allowed him to turn and face Castiel, but he still placed himself in front of Sam. 

"They may have been demons Sam, but you killed them because they had something you needed." Castiel spoke bluntly. 

Dean heard Sam's sharp gasp as a painful truth finally got to him. 

"I cannot protect you both here, this place is too open."

Dean sighed heavily.

"Take us to Bobby's". 


End file.
